Educating your child on matters of sex plays a very important part in bringing up your child. Sex as a topic of discussion seems to be something that puts parents in great quandary. Generally, when I meet parents, I find most parents apprehensive and shy about speaking on this subject. They feel embarrassed even to voice their opinions on this topic.

The parents do understand that it may not be a good idea to leave the child to get to know about it by himself, from friends or from other sources. However, they don’t seem to be able to gather enough courage to educate the child themselves, either. This is because most parents themselves have grown up conditioned the same way as regards the subject of sex, and feel awkward about discussing the issue with their child. If at all they wish to educate the child in advance, they are also most confused as to the right time to educate the child on the subject of sexuality.

Well, if you observe a child’s nature, you’ll find that every child is curious. Inquisitiveness about everything is second nature to a child. He wants to know what an apple is or what an orange is, what any and every object is, its name and what it is called, and the process of how it is made etc. He is not satisfied until the thirst of his curiosity is quenched.

The child is equally curious about his body; in fact there is an intrinsic quest in him to know more about it because it is something he is born with and it is the first thing he wishes to know about. He lives with his body day in and day out. If a child has a thousand queries about things that are external, how can he not have a few when it comes to his own body?

I have a very simple solution for this dilemma: a completely natural approach. Keep it simple. Whatever is natural is natural, so you be natural about it. Don’t try to hide or avoid a particular topic. Even if you do, how long can you do that?

In fact, instead of being evasive, speak directly about it and satisfy their curiosity. Children are bound to ask questions such as ‘what is this called?” pointing to their genitals. Do not dodge these queries. You only have to answer them directly and properly without feeling shy or embarrassed. You feeling shy is less about the child’s question and more about yourself. Do not let your awkwardness if any, with the subject of sexuality be transmitted to your child through your shyness.

Another usual question children come up with is “Daddy, how are babies born?” To this question, most parents give funny answers like ‘God gives them as a gift’. Hiding behind such an answer, parents feel that they have successfully tackled a difficult question. They, however, don’t realise that they are being untruthful to the child and that the child will make out their untruthfulness sooner or later.

Some parents explain to the child that it is a stork that brought him from behind the mountain, and similar stories. The child grows up believing these untruths, and, thus, getting more and more confused. When children come back from school they love to remove all their clothes and roam around naked, and we tease them, trying to make them feel ashamed of themselves: “shame, shame, puppy shame…”.

What do you suppose goes on in their minds when you give them such vague, unconvincing answers? Immediately, they start feeling that there is something wrong with their organs below the hips. This is how we generate perversion in a child’s mind. I have put it in very simple words whenever she has asked me any of these questions. I have answered such questions bluntly just like I would have told her that an apple is an apple and an orange, an orange, and I have found that whenever her curiosity is fully satisfied she is very relaxed and those questions never come back. The questions, however, would be back after six months, or a year, on a different level, and I ensure that I always satisfy her curiosity.

In fact, when she was four years old, I showed her a film on how babies are born, a beautiful clipping which I had got from National Geography. When she was eight years old, we got an interesting book which explained the whole process in the form of cartoons, as to how the body grows, the onset of puberty etc. So, it’s again an application of the principle, given in the book, called ‘say and do’. Please understand that we need to provide the information to the children as and when their curiosity arises. We have to inform them to the extent of what they require. As their age advances, their curiosity increases and so do our explanations. As their age increases, the details also increase. This is an ongoing process, so don’t feel shy about telling your children the basic facts about life, birth etc.

Don’t use different terms and confuse your child. Many parents fear that educating the child in advance about what is to come later will make them perverted. That is not so. In fact, it is just the opposite: keeping your child informed about the topic doesn’t make them perverted; it is hiding these from them that makes them perverted. This is because when they don’t get a convincing answer from you, they ask around. And when they ask around, there is no control that you have over what information they will get in response. And what may seem to be a small misinformation when they are small balloons into a perversion later. Worse, yet, you will never get a chance to correct the wrong information. This is simply because the child, having sensed your awkwardness and experienced your untruths, wouldn’t want to come back to you and broach the same topic. Thus the parents would always remain oblivious of what the child knows about the subject and what he doesn’t.

On the other hand, if you have honestly shared a talk about it with him, if, at all, he gets from an outside source any contradictory information on the subject, he will innocently come back and check with you the contradiction.

Keep it simple. Since the child is innocent, his queries are innocent, too; so, you, too, be innocent. Satisfy his curiosity — call an apple an apple, and an orange and an orange.