‘Misbehaving’ is a term that we use very casually. If your child is not following the norms or the behavioural patterns set by you, then he is termed as a misbehaving child. If a child plays when you do not want him to, you say he is misbehaving. If a child runs around in a social gathering, you say he is misbehaving. If a child makes paintings on the walls, you say he is misbehaving. If he plays in the kitchen, with a glass of water and happens to spill it, you say he is misbehaving. If he is not sitting properly, you say he is misbehaving. If he laughs loudly or shouts loudly in a gathering, you say he is misbehaving.

Let us first clear the concept of ‘misbehaving’. What most parents term as misbehaviour is, actually, playfulness on the part of the child. Once we accept this, most of our problems will be solved.

It is important for us to understand what is natural for a child. The above activities are all very natural and normal in a child’s life. A child would not be a child if he were not doing the above things. In other words, this is not a case of the child misbehaving but us, the parents, misbehaving when we expect our child to perform his every action on our terms and conditions.

Playing in the kitchen with a juicer, vegetables, flour etc. is actually very healthy for the child with regard to his mental development. Painting on the walls and playing with water are very good for his motor development. Laughing and crying out loudly are very good for his emotional development; also, running around and jumping about are essential for his physical development. As a matter of fact, all these activities can actually be encouraged in a tactful way so that the discipline of the house is maintained while keeping the playfulness of the child intact.

Coming, now, to what ‘misbehaviour’ is in the actual sense. Being aggressive, causing hurt to others, harming others etc. are the attributes of a misbehaving child. These are not natural activities and can crop up from some kind of turmoil or emotional disturbance in the child’s life.

This emotional disturbance, most often, is born from the immediate environment of the child. If either of the parents or the guardians are not in a peaceful state of mind, it is directly transmitted to the child and reflected in his behaviour.

How do we rectify this? If we have identified the cause of the concerned behaviour, then rectification is easy; if not, then we have to first understand the reason behind the problem.

If there is disharmony among the parents, then that has to be sorted out first — there is no other solution to this. No matter how good a school you send him to or how much you take care of his physical needs, discord between the parents will always be reflected in the child.

The easiest way to bring about harmony in your relationship is to travel on the spiritual path together; only then can a relationship evolve.

Spirituality, in the simplest terms, means understanding the higher self, understanding each other’s nature, understanding the other’s needs more than your own and understanding that we are not here to bind each other or restrict each other. Spirituality means being free within and allowing freedom for each other.

Once this understanding takes place, parents live like friends rather than possessors of each other. They are free from any kind of guilt and have pure love for each other, which is then transmitted to the child. His emotional disturbance is thus converted into a lot of compassion and beauty.

Traversing the spiritual path requires a support system, which we provide you through the Siddha Samadhi Yoga programme.

There may be various other factors which give rise to misbehaving children. The above-mentioned reason is one of the most probable and the most common.

Another major cause of misbehaving children could be some kind of trauma that the child has undergone, which he has not been able to express to his parents. This difficulty can be solved if the parents really bring their child into total confidence with them, completely believing and trusting the child. What is essential here, again, is the spirit with which parenting is carried out. The child will then be able to express himself completely to the parents, following which the parents can take the required action.

Most cartoon films shown on television propagate violence. Children who constantly watch this begin to believe that being violent is natural, and then start misbehaving. Always, therefore, keep a check on what your children are exposed to on television