Excerpts from the book ‘The Honeymoon Effect’ by Bruce Lipton
However, over time, your conscious mind becomes burdened with thoughts dealing with the busyness of everyday life-balancing your budget, scheduling your chores, planning your weekend. The processing of the conscious mind shifts from creating the honeymoon experience to the management and strategies needed to deal with perceived necessities. The result is that the conscious mind relinquishes behavioral control to default programs previously stored in the subconscious mind.
But once you know that you’re dealing with four minds in the relationship, and once you know how to change the negative programming of your subconscious minds, you will have the tools to recreate what you’ve lost.
The conscious mind is the seat of your personal identity. It identifies you as a distinct individual, a unique spirit. The conscious mind manages your personal wishes, desire, and aspirations. When I ask you what kind of relationship you want in your life, your lovely, high-minded answer comes from the conscious mind-I want a relationship based on love, equality, and respect as well as sexual chemistry. This is the “positive thinking” mind that optimistically sticks post-it notes on the refrigerator that say, “I deserve a loving relationship” or “I eat healthy food.”
This is also the creative mind that can look to the past and the future; it is not bound by time. Your conscious mind can answer questions about what you’re doing next Wednesday or what you did last Wednesday. It’s the mind that can “detach” from the current moment and daydream all day about what might happen you might win the lottery. You might meet Prince Charming.
But wait a minute: if you’re conscious mind isn’t paying attention and “managing” the present moment because it’s busy thinking great thoughts or daydreaming about the kind of life you want to live, which is left to manage the “show”? Neuroscience researchers tell us that because of the conscious mind’s ability to flit from thought to thought, humans, on average, use their personally creative conscious mind to control their behavior-regulating cognitive activity (as I mentioned on page 72, but it bears repeating) about 5 percent of the time. By default, the remaining 95 percent of our cognitive activity is controlled by previously acquired programs downloaded into the subconscious mind.
Is your television good or bad? Neither. What are you watching? Don’t blame the television set, blame the programming! Is your subconscious mind good or bad? Neither. The subconscious mind is primarily an amazing record/playback mechanism that, unlike the conscious mind, expresses little creativity and has no sense of time. It is always in the present moment, doesn’t see a future, and certainly doesn’t listen or care when you yell at it!
The fetus, for example, absorbs cortisol and other stress hormones if the mother is chronically anxious. If the child is unwanted for any reason, the fetus is bathed in the chemicals of rejection. If the mother is wildly in love with her baby and her partner, the fetus is bathed in the love potions you read about in the last chapter. If the mother is furious with the father, who has abandoned her during the pregnancy, the fetus is bathed in the chemicals of anger.
The developing fetal brain not only responds to the chemical messengers in maternal blood; it also acquires a memory of these chemical cascades that define its in utero experiences. By the time a child is born, she or he has already downloaded the emotional “music” of behavior, a tune that will endure throughout the child’s life. The child is born whistling a specific tune because he or she has already been programmed with the patterns of emotional chemicals experienced within the mother in the womb. It’s not a single event like the argument I described that creates the programming-it the repetitive patterns of the mother’s emotional cascades. After birth, the child goes about the job of creating life experiences that become the lyrics that match the emotional music. That’s great if the tune is a melody created in love, but it’s not so great if the mother’s emotional state was chronically unstable during her pregnancy.
The nine months in the womb are so fundamental to human development in every area of life that Dr. Verny says he would like pregnant woman to wear “Baby under Construction” T-shirts to broadcast this crucial fact. In truth, the mother (and by extension her relationship with the father) serves as nature’s Head Start program.
The chiropractor demonstrated muscle testing as a means of communicating with the subconscious mind. He asked me to hold out my arm and resist the downward pressure he applied to it. I had no problem resisting the light force he put on my arm. Then he asked me to hold out my arm and resist him again, this time while saying, “My name is Bruce.” Again, I had no trouble resisting his pressure. Then he told me to hold out my arm and resist his pressure while saying, “My name is Mary.” To my amazement, my arm flopped down, despite my strong resistance. “Try that again,” I said. “Apparently, I wasn’t ready.”
In my lectures, I often ask the audience to muscle test the phrase “I love myself.” When the majority of arms sink, I ask them to think about how their subconscious belief that they are not lovable impacts their relationship. If you don’t love yourself with both minds, what is the chance that other people will love you? Very low, because your subconscious mind does not believe you are lovable. If someone does claim they love you, how worthy can they be when even you don’t find yourself lovable?