Different styles of Parenting

In my opinion, there are different kinds of parents, and they can be classified on the basis of their character traits. These traits would clearly have an effect on the way they would approach their child.

 

For your understanding, I shall list a few types. This may help you review yourself and subsequently take corrective action, if required.

  1. Over Ambitious Parents

Such parents are seen to be unrealistic in their expectations. Their expectations from their children are very high and they cannot deviate from the standards set by them. They pass on their ambitions and aspirations to their children. In the event the child is unable to perform according to their set benchmark, it automatically results in stress and high blood pressure for themselves. The results of this may be that the child may show extreme behavioural patterns for he is constantly required to meet the standards set by the parents and there is no freedom for the child to decide and choose.

So, instead of giving your child ambitions or desire, you could teach them to have a vision. A ‘vision’ is inclusive and it will not only benefit the person holding it but also the people around and the society at large, whereas a ‘desire’ is always exclusive and selfish.

  1. Over-Affluent Parents

Then there are the overly affluent parents who fulfil every desire that the child expresses, and to do so, they go to any lengths and spend any amount of money just to satisfy the desire expressed by the child. This may result in the child losing the extremely important character quality of valuing things, emotions and people. From a very young age, the child has been provided with materialistic pleasures and hence he or she ends up primarily focused on the materialistic aspects of life all his life.

  1. Authoritarian Parents

Such parents’ only keen interest probably lies in dictating terms to others around them, leaving little or no choice for the child to express or experience his own will. Discipline is an important aspect of life but developing individuality is also extremely important. Each child is unique and full of energy. You only need to channelise that energy in the correct manner, in the positive direction. I guess one needs to behave like a dam which collects the water and protects it from flowing astray only till it reaches the brim, after which it shows no reluctance in letting the excess water flow away. The child is bound to realise his potential some day. If you behave like an impregnable fort wall, the child will certainly muster the courage and strength to bring down the wall and break free one day.

  1. Disinterested Parents

The disinterested parents seem to be in their own sweet world and show no interest or inclination towards taking charge of what they brought into this world — their own child. They are so caught up in their own affairs that there is little or no time to take care of their child. They probably believe that the child will grow up by itself. But that would be unnatural. We know that even in the wild, animals take great care of their young ones, culture them and make them responsible and self-reliant before they move on. You must be totally involved in a child’s formative years, guiding them and supporting them all along the way. Just being around your child physically cannot help the child to evolve into a beautiful human being. Most fathers fall into this category and are not actively involved in the child’s day-to-day activities.

  1. Over-Protective Parents

The over-protective parents will not permit the child to experience anything first hand. Every experience will come with a pre-devised advisory like ‘Be careful’, ‘Do not fall’ etc. and the result will only see the child fall, if not literally, then in his self-esteem. Preparing the child for what is coming their way is essential but instilling fear is certainly not the right thing to do. You could, however, reword your advice from ‘Be careful’ to ‘Be aware’. This way, you will no longer create fear in him but will raise his awareness levels, instead.

When I talk about these kinds of parents, I recall my friend from my 8th class in school. One day, we had all gone out cycling; he was also cycling and was last in the row. To our surprise, we saw that we were being followed by his parents in a car. This was to ensure the safety of their child. The child was so conscious of his parent’s nature and habits that he started to despise them; finally, at the first opportunity he got, he went abroad, much beyond their reach.

If you do not provide enough freedom to your child to have experiences on their own terms, there is a possibility that they will look for a chance to do so without your knowledge or they may turn out to be extremely dependent, which is also not good for either you or the child.

You will observe most of the above-mentioned parenting styles in two Bollywood movies, Taare Zameen Par and 3 Idiots, where the actor Aamir Khan has so beautifully shown the different outcomes the above-mentioned parenting styles have on children.

 

  1. Communicative Parents

One of the better styles of parenting is when the parents are most communicative. They are like a friend to the child. This is a very healthy state and a better way of parenting. Both the parent and the child freely express their views on any topic to each other. This translates into greater respect for the parents by the child as against lesser respect, which seems to be the cause of fear for some parents.

  1. Spiritual Parents

Spiritual parents see God in everyone. They see God in their child. It is the highest value or virtue one can have. When we see God in our child, it means that we feel honoured to be the child’s parent; it also means that we inwardly accept the child as he or she is and will always live in gratitude. This is the highest state of parenting. A spiritual parent experiences the child as his other Guru and is always learning from the child.

Life is nothing but a journey to transcend the existing state to go on to a higher state.

When a child is born, it means that God has given the parents another opportunity to live life once again. The children are here to teach us. We are here to learn from them. Selfless and unconditional love, forgiveness, perseverance, laughter and joy from small things in life, and living and enjoying the moment are just some of the many things that we need to relearn.

 

So, wake up and start living once again.

Remember, your child is in many ways like your parent! If you are open enough to learn, there is plenty to learn from him or her.