By Poojya Guruji Rishi Prabhakarji
I have found that a person undergoes different steps in marriage for the final marriage to happen.
What is the first marriage? Each step in marriage appears like a complete step. The first step in marriage is when a boy sees a girl and is attracted to her. The second step is when the girl sees the boy and she too is attracted. If she is not attracted then he could be attracted for several thousand years and nothing will happen.
The third step is when both of them have the courage to speak to each other. If they can talk to each other, it is the first meeting point. Afterwards, they can make some insane or silly conversation, but that does not matter. What matters, is that some interaction should take place, so that one expresses interest in the other.
The fourth step is when they exchange their addresses. This means both of them know that it is going to be somewhat of a long contact or association.
Now the fifth step is when they receive a letter. If this doesn’t happen, no more steps can take place. So, as soon as she receives a letter from the boy, she is so joyous as if the whole world has come to her.
Now the next step, is when they decide that they want to see each other and be in each other’s company. That step is important because then they need to know more about the other person, what they do, what they like, what they don’t like, where they go, how they are etc. So all these adjustments take place when they meet each other.
The next step is when they get the courage to say we will live together. Usually, as soon as they say that we want to be together, there is a tremendous resistance from the family. This resistance for “Love Marriages” in India has a reason.
Marriage is not limited to just the husband and wife, in India the marriage is between families. The family is always there to support. The parents normally choose the family with whom they want to have a relationship. The question of girl and boy’s agreement comes up but this consent is considered a secondary aspect. If the father-in-laws are uncomfortable with each other no real family unions can happen and will be a continuous aberration.
Families must first be able to get together and respect each other. That is why the question of caste becomes very important in Indian marriages.
A caste represents a way of life which both families are comfortable. for e.g. eating habits, meeting habits, celebration habits, professional habits etc. are different for different castes.
Once the families agree and are comfortable then the final marriage can take place.