Criticism is complaining with a sharp edge. It is typically directed at someone with the intent of belittling that person. Some think criticism is an effective way of changing another’s behavior. However, it actually tends to have the opposite effect.
Great leaders know that people respond much more favorably to appreciation than
criticism .Appreciation in spires a person to excel so as to receive more appreciation.
Criticism tears someone down, and when we debase someone we actually give that
person implicit permission to act in similar ways in the future.
The number – one need we all have is to be recognized to be valued, to feel we matter.
Even if we are introverted by nature, we still want attention from others, especially those we consider important to us. Even when the attention is negative, such as criticism, the person will often repeat the behavior just to get the attention they desire. Rarely is this a conscious maneuver: rather, it is done without thinking. We all want attention is critical, the person will adjust down to meet the expectations of the critic.
Attention drives behavior. Let me say that again: “Attention drives behavior.” As much as we’d like to feel it’s the other way around, it’s not true. If we criticize someone, we are inviting future demonstrations of what we are criticizing. This is true for your spouse, your children, your employees, and your friends.
We are far more powerful in the creation of our lives than we realize. Our thoughts
about people determine how they will show up for us and how we will relate to them.
Our words let the other person know our expectations of them and their behavior. If the words are critical, then the behavior will mirror the expectation represented by what we say.
We all know of parents who focus on a child’s poor marks rather than celebrating their good grades. The child brings home a report card with four As and a C and the parent says, “Why did you get a C?” The focus is on the one average grade rather than the four excellent ones.