Uva Uvam Videndo Varia Fit

Complaining is not to be confused with informing someone of a mistake or deficiency so that it can be put right. And to refrain from complaining doesn’t necessarily mean putting up with bad quality or behavior. There is no ego in telling the waiter your soup is cold and need to be heated up – if you stick to the facts, which are always neutral.


“How dare you serve me cold soup….?’’ That’s complaining.

Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

When a person is complained to or criticized, they feel attacked and their first response is often themselves. This defense may present itself in the Universe of your being a victim and, in so doing, have invited more victimizers to you.

Complaining is often a means of drawing attention to one’s self.  Everyone desires to be recognized, but people who complain a lot may be trying to attract attention because of low self – esteem.

And remember that when someone critically lashes out at you, they are doing so from their own and insecurities. They are coming from what they feel is  weak position and amplify their vitriol as a way of making themselves appear big and strong when they actually feel small and weak. They are projecting their fear and discomfort onto others.


They attempt to hurt because they are hurting.

If we want to improve the world, it must first come from our healing the discord within our own souls. Changing our words will ultimately change our thoughts, which will, in turn, change our world. When we cease complaining, we remove the primary outlet for our negative thoughts, our minds shift, and we become happier. Having no place for the negative thoughts to be expressed, the mind ceases production of them. When your mouth stops expressing negative thoughts, your mind will find other, happier thoughts to create. The thought factory that is your mind is always producing, and in the absence of a customer for negativity, it will retool and produce happy thoughts.

Our outer worlds are a projection of our inner worlds. Our relationship with another begins with our relationship with ourselves. You can’t treat others any better than you treat yourself. It all begins with you.