Excerpts from the book ‘A Complaint Free World’ by Will Bowen
It is a waste of time to be angry about my
Disability. One has to get on with life and I
Haven’t done badly. People won’t have time for
You if you are always angry or complaining.
_ STEPHEN HAWKING
We complain, we may gain the benefits of attention or sympathy. We may also avoid
having to do something that causes us to stretch. But we walk a fine line when we
complain. Chronic complainers can end up ostracized by those around them who find
their energy drained by the complainer. You probably know people who leave you
“Like attracts like.” People who are alike, be they complainer or grateful people,
attract one another. And people who are not alike repel one another. We are all energy
beings, and energy that not vibrates at the same frequency does not harmonize.
Thoughts, too, are energy. And you attract things that harmonize with your thought
patterns and repel things that do not. Your words indicate, reinforce, and perpetuate
your thoughts. So when you complain, you’re actually repelling what you profess you
want. Your complaining pushes away you from things that you say you’d like to have. I
know a group of women who get together each week to “support one another.” This
“support” consists primarily of complaining about men. From what I understand, their
favorite themes are “men are selfish,” “men don’t want to commit,” and “You can’t trust
men.” Not surprisingly’ none of these women is able to sustain a happy, healthy
relationship with a man. Do they want such a relationship? Sure, but through their
complaints they are sending out energy vibrations that “men are no good,” causing no
“good men” to appear in their lives. They are creating this reality with their complaints.
If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. You don’t need that energy
going out into your world .If you are a person who normally gossips, you’ll find that
speaking only praise about those not present takes the fun out of it. In today’s society,
gossip usually means nit-picking.
One of the main reason we gossip or complain is to make ourselves look betterby
comparison: “At least I’m not as bad as (insert name here).” When I point out your
faults, then I’m implying that I have no such faults so I’m better then you are.
There is an old Russian proverb: “If you want to clean up entire world, begin with
sweeping your own doorstep.” The change we seek is never “out there” it is within
ourselves. What we do does affect the world, because it affects those around us and
this impact spreads.
In the words of Winston Churchill, “Success is going from failure to failure without losing
Dr. Robin Kowalski, “Whether or not the particular statement reflects a complaint……..
Depends on whether the speaker is experiencing an internal dissatisfaction.” The words
in a complaint and a noncompliant can be identical; what distinguishes the two is your
meaning, your energy behind them. The conscious incompetence stage is all about
becoming aware of what you say and, more important, the energy behind what you’re
I was recently interviewed for a radio morning show. One of the announcers said, ”But I
complain for a living – and I get paid very well for complaining.” “Okay,” I said, “and on a
scale of one to ten, how happy are you?” After a beat, he said ,”Is there a negative
number?” Complaining may benefit us in many ways, even financially, but being happy
is not one of complaining’s benefits.
Ask yourself: Do people who are confident and secure in themselves brag? The answer
is no. People who have healthy self – esteem; people who enjoy their strengths and
accept their weaknesses; people who are comfortable with themselves and don’t need
to build themselves up in the eyes of others – these people don’t brag. They feel good
about themselves and don’t need to tell others how great they are. Similarly, they don’t
need to complain so as to derive the neurotic benefits of doing so.
A person who is insecure, who doubts their value and questions their importance, will
brag and complain. They will tell of their accomplishments, hoping to see approval
reflecting back to them in the eyes of their listeners. They will also complain about their
challenges to sympathy and as a way of excusing their not accomplishing something
they desire. The truth is that they complain because they don’t feel they deserve what
they want. Their lack of self – worth leads them to push away with their complaints what
they say they want.
When you express what you don’t like, be it in yourself, your job , your family, your
health, your finances, your church, or whatever, you will find more not to like
.Remember, like attracts like. As you appreciate yourself, other people, and situations in
your life more, you will attract more to enjoy.