Article from the book ‘Are You A Super Leader?’ by Manoj J Lekhi (Amrut Vivek).
Accepting yourself the way you are or in simpler words ‘self-acceptance,’ is one of the key determinants of happiness and can have an effect on every aspect of life. However, it can be one of the most difficult challenges faced by a person.
We all have been through this phase in our life where we find it difficult to accept ourselves the way we are. It may be easier to say this than practically doing it. You might expect the entire world to accept you for being yourself but are you ready to accept yourself the way you are? Do you approve and love yourself the way you are? Imagine if the entire world lives in a paradigm of self-acceptance and self-love, the entire planet will be a beautiful place. It will be a garden full of love, compassion and empathy.
Why do people hate others? Why does one criticize another? Why is there so much violence and anxiety around us? Why is there so much disturbance outside and why is it difficult to forgive others? Because we are so pre-occupied judging and rejecting ourselves that we cannot rise above and look beyond all this. Our outer action and behaviour is a result of our inner self.
Most of the time we are critical judges of ourselves. We can’t forgive others because deep within we haven’t forgiven ourselves. We hate others because somewhere deep down we hate ourselves. We fi ght with others because we are fi ghting ourselves inside. We want to hit others because of aggression within ourselves. All our outer expression is the manifestation of our inner state.
What we think, what we feel and what we believe will affect our behaviour towards others. It is only when we accept ourselves the way we are completely and we embrace our uniqueness that we find true happiness.
Unfortunately, we have been forced to be good human beings since our growing years, and are not taught to love ourselves the way we are. We are put in a bubble of idealism and vision of being good and when we fail the expectations of parents or society of fulfilling these ideologies, we are crushed and we fall in our own eyes. Our self-image and self-esteem drops down. This leads to further feeling of guilt,
jealousy, frustration and dropping to low vibration levels. We fail to measure up to our own standards.
The ideology of being good, truthful, selfless and compassionate fades in front of us. If we think or do something against the so-called ‘values’ of the society, we feel
terrible and guilty. We judge ourselves as inadequate, find fault within ourselves and start believing our self-critical inner voices.
We keep on judging and blaming the other person saying that ‘It is his fault or her mistake’ or ‘He did this to me or she landed me into this’ which further leads to hatred and animosity among each other. These are the core reasons behind breaking up of relationships, be it friendship or marriage. And the reason we judge and blame others is because we judge and blame ourselves.
It becomes difficult because we have not forgiven our own selves, we cannot forgive others. We view people just as we view ourselves. We ourselves have not matched up to our own ideals, the ‘should be’s’, the ‘must be’s’ and are unable
to come out of it. We have not accepted ourselves internally, as we have failed our own expectations and are living in a bubble of ideologies.
A Super Leader accepts himself the way he is, with all the imperfections; he accepts himself with all the mistakes he has made. Gandhiji was one such example who could see himself just the way he was, accepted himself and as a result accomplished so much and became father of the nation.
If there are few phrases that I could personally delete from the English language, they would be ‘should be this way and it shouldn’t be this way’ or ‘this is right and this is wrong’ or ‘must be and must not be’ and so on because these words
have commanded our life and have pushed us into guilt, jealousy, emptiness, anger and anxiety. Such approaches and situations make us feel resentful and raise self-doubts and a number of low vibration thoughts into us.
How should we solve this and how does one live his or her life? This is what all our sages and saints have preached and as mentioned above, this is how they have lived their lives. Be it Mahavir or Buddha or Jesus or Rama or even my master Shree Rishi Prabhakarji. When we go beyond right and wrong or good and bad we reach a state which is called the state of samadhi.
Samadhi is the state of being non-judgemental, being in okayness with all happenings and accepting everything the way it is: accepting the outside world as well as accepting ourself (inner self and outer self ) the way we are. Sama means
‘equanimous’ and dhi means ‘intellect’; where the intellect does not take sides and is beyond the dualities. When one meditates one goes beyond judgement and is in the state of equanimity.
God has given every creature a different body and has gifted a divine soul to each body. Every heart is pure, every mind is clean. Nobody is identical. Let us accept ourselves the way we are. Rise beyond self-judgement and self-criticism.
When we start to accept our selves the way we are, we start to accept people the way they are. We start to accept situations the way they are. We start to accept events the way they are. We start to accept the world the way it is. We start to accept life the way it is.
Life is beautiful. Open yourself to life. Life opens itself to you. The universe is rejoicing in your uniqueness along with you. A Super Leader is deeply in acceptance of his/her uniqueness, his/her strengths, his/her whims and fancies.