5 Tips to Develop Healthy Relationships in the workplace
Excerpts from the book ‘Super Leader Strategies!’ by Manoj J Lekhi (Amrut Vivek).
When we are working together, there are always some mistakes people make or some things happen which are not exactly how we would like them. Most of the people, I find, start reacting to their colleagues instantly. Hence, when you address someone, a single person or a group of people, follow these 5 steps:
Step # 1: Listen with an Open Mind
First let us have the capacity to listen with an open mind. Most of the time when people speak, we want to speak back immediately. This is exactly why we have suggested the Thought-Pad to you earlier. When someone is speaking, just make little points in your Thought-Pad. While you are jotting, you can remain calm and cool and you are able to receive his expression in his way. This allows you time to listen with an open mind.
Step # 2: Appreciate his Qualities/Presence
Naturally there will be some feedback you want to give, you want to tell him something. So getting him prepared for receiving the feedback is very important. Before simply blasting or reacting to the mistake he or she has made, first appreciate his or her presence in the company or in your life.
Appreciate what wonderful work he or she has been doing or appreciate some quality, some greatness, something about him before giving him feedback which you wish to give.
Step # 3: Give Specific Feedback
Before giving the feedback, let us learn to see the half glass full rather than the half glass empty. There are always some strengths and some weaknesses in a person. So first acknowledge his strengths and then give the feedback very specifically on that subject, on that action, on that activity, or on that event which has occurred. Normally when we give feedback, we just say and imply that he is a useless person. This is extremely demeaning. Instead, be specific by telling him – ‘I did not like when you came late.’ So, the feedback is specific to being late; ‘I did not like it or the company cannot run if you don’t report.’ So, it is related to reporting or ‘The company cannot function if you act the way you acted.’ or ‘You shouted at some colleague of yours, others get disturbed.’ So, it is related or is specific to that action of shouting or coming late or not giving the report or any other reason. By being specific about that action or that event which took place, we are not running the person down. We are basically telling him that this is not done or this cannot be done, it’s is not acceptable to me or the organization. In this way, we are ensuring that his or her self-esteem is not affected. Thus, the third step is about giving feedback in a way people are able to receive it. And they will definitely receive it, when you appreciate their presence and
their importance in your organization first.
Step # 4: Delay Non-Appreciative Feedback
This one is even more important. We don’t give feedback immediately. Your son has made a mistake and as soon as you see him, you start shouting at him. Take it easy. If you want him to cool down, it starts with you. You need to be calm and undisturbed.
So delay such actions and give the feedback after 50 hours (The 50-Hour Rule). Again keeping in mind that you appreciate the person for his presence in your life or in the organisation. Then when you give the feedback, it is accepted and received just the way you wish.
Step # 5: Live in the Paradigm of ‘I am Responsible’
This is the most important one. You or I, taking responsibility for what has happened. This is the highest and the best thing I learnt when I did my SSY programme in 1989. I am responsible for everything. When I am responsible then I stop the buck right here and I don’t pass the buck or blame others or blame people or events. If there is something wrong in my
life, in my organisation, I take total responsibility and when I take total responsibility, passing the buck, blaming others, complaining about others stops. Because I am responsible,
because somehow I have created this situation, I speak to him with empathy and compassion. I appreciate him for his presence in the organisation and then give him feedback on the specific c, particular incident that is unacceptable rather than simply blasting or getting upset with his character or his being. We being responsible, whatever is happening in our lives, whatever manifests in our lives, is our creation. We being responsible is the highest phenomenon, the highest value we can have in our lives.
- Listen with an Open Mind.
- Appreciate his Qualities/Presence.
- Give Specific Feedback.
- Delay Non-Appreciative Feedback.
- Live in the Paradigm of ‘I am Responsible’.
Follow these 5 tips and something beautiful will happen in your organisation. You will be loved by all the people around you. If you are a boss, you will turn into a parent, if you are an employee, you will turn into a family member. Remember, a happy workplace is the pipeline to abundance.
A Super Leader has mastered the art of giving feedback.