5 Tips to Manage Anger

– By Manoj J Lekhi

I have met many many many many many people who are either irritated or disturbed or frustrated or angry or even revengeful.  And a lot of them have been able to identify or remove their anger.

Here are 5 Tips for you to overcome your Anger:

 Tip # 1  Delay reacting

The first tip is basically delay reacting immediately by just taking a few deep breaths may be 15-20 breaths.

When you do this a few times, you automatically cool down and you will not react at that time.  Reaction may happen but it can be delayed for sometime.

Tip # 2  Identify when and where you get angry

To identify when we get angry, you know we all are programmed machines, someone pushes the button, our fuse blasts.

e.g. when you are driving a car and an auto rickshaw swerves in front of you and you start blasting.  If you are driving a car again, some person walks in front of you and you start blasting…. this is a simple pre-programmed machine which is reacting. Your spouse comes in front of you or your mother in law or boss comes in front of you, you start reacting inside.

So, what is to be done, once you know that these are the places and time when you get angry?

First, identify it, and simply write this – whenever I am with my boss or spouse or colleague or with whoever disturbs me, I am calm and relaxed.  Whenever the auto person comes in front of me, I am calm and relaxed.

Identify it and make a statement whenever this happens, I am calm and relaxed. By your identifying it and reading it everyday, your brain gets a signal that this is the time where you need to be more aware, more alert, top red alert.

Hence, when that incident happens, and you have read it, you will be alert and then you can apply this Tip.  Don’t delay it.  Write it now !

 

Tip # 3  Cooling period

Now the third step is for how long to delay ?

Delay it for at least 3 days – 72 hours.  If someone has said something to you and you feel like reacting or blasting at that person, write it down !  All your anger, even give your slang language, abusive words whatever you want, write in an email or sms, but important thing is DON’T SEND IT !

You expressing it, writing it down, is perfectly okay but no need to send it !  Re-read that mail or sms which you have written after 3 days.  Your entire perception and attitude will have changed.

 

Tip # 4  Express in private

Sometimes it may happen, you may use the fourth step, not necessary but you may use it, if there is too much energy and you really want to blast.  Straight rush to the washroom, blast it out to the mirror.  Tell whatever abuse words, slang language you wish to use.  Just blast it out loudly in a room, or toilet, in a private space where you can throw out and express the emotions. You may even take a pillow and hit it, if it is too much.  These all are the bodily expressions of removing or overcoming anger temporarily.  Remember this is a temporary phenomenon.

But it will cool you down.  Then you can do the other steps 1,2,3…

 

Tip # 5  Give a consequence to yourself – Water Fast !

This is the most important one.

Let’s say you could not hold your anger and you have just blasted it out.  It may happen that the auto pilot button has been pressed and your fuse has gone off and you have blasted someone.  Immediately, the most important thing is, from that moment onwards, go on a water fast for 24 hours !  This is a self imposed discipline which we need to follow, go on a fast !  I myself have done it.

How will this help to manage anger? Let me explain.  Right now 95% of ourselves is programmed.  So when someone pins us, our fuse goes. The brain has lost, and does not have mastery of the body.  The body has become the mind which is just reacting. Now when we have go on a water fast, it is not a comfortable feeling to the body, specially for most of the people who have not done the water fast previously.  The body memorizes this discomfort.   Thus when you undergo the water fast then the body gives you a signal at the time of anger.  It gives you two signals before you choose to react –

(1) ’do you want a ‘water fast’ which is not so comfortable ?

or

(2) do you want to be eating a normal meal being calm and relaxed ?

What do you want ?  It gives the brain a reminder, naturally the brain chooses from the past experience, I prefer not to starve my body and just keep it cool and postpone the reaction.

 

Hence as far as the science goes, this technique has worked scientifically to overcome anger, as the mind decides not to get angry, based on the body’s past, memorized experience.   If you are a very angry person, you may need to do it for 4-5 times in a month, but believe me people with anger of 20 years or 30 years have resolved it in just one month !

 

To summarize the 5 Tips:

Tip # 1  Delay reacting

Tip # 2  Identify when and where you get angry

Tip # 3  Cooling period

Tip # 4  Express in private

Tip # 5  Give a consequence to yourself – water fast !

We practice these techniques at our anger management workshop.  We go into much greater depth.

But you may apply these 5 Tips right now.  Get the benefit.  Write to us.

 

Thank you, Thank you very much!